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In times of unrest and fear, it is perhaps the writer's duty to celebrate, to single out some of the values we can cherish, to talk about some of the few warm things we know in a cold world.
-- Phyllis McGinley
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One girl to go.  And a bit of touch up, I think. |
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In any painting, when I like my progress, I get more anxious as I work to finish it. Will I screw it up? With acrylic that's especially dangerous because it dries so fast. (I can paint over it, but it's tough to match colors when doing that.) So I sketch in proportions and such with a light color and set it up for the bolder brushstrokes and colors.  You can see the girls, faintly marked for the final strokes. Oy! This is why some of my paintings don't get done until late night / early morning. I get too wound up to walk away and get a good night's sleep. |
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I found a way to prevent using excess acrylic: paint cups.  I squeeze a bunch of paint into these cups, and the lid keeps them from drying out. When I'm ready to use some paint, I scoop only what I need from the cup and onto my palette paper. That, and cling wrap, once the paint is on the palette paper. Big cost savings and it allows me to take breaks, which are always healthy. |
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I took my latest cards to my mom's house today and as I inserted them into their space in the rack she has, the Joy card really jumped out at me. It's the words. Not only do they sell, but the words enhance the whole thing. That hit me big time today. Later this week, I'll go on a trip to take source pictures to use for future paintings. How do I take pictures and frame the shot in such a way that it leaves room for words and has a nice balance to it? I guess I'll find out. It also struck me that of course my initial cards didn't sell well. For the first time, I could see that today clearly. Which is both good and bad. Good in that I know which path to take and will know better what to paint. Bad in that I've wasted some money for now on cards that won't sell immediately. They will eventually, I'm sure, but I wouldn't stock them today. So I think I'm down to about seven sellable cards now. Two steps forward, one step back. |
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I worked more on it tonight and got further along.  I may touch up the rocks yet, but the only piece missing is the girls. They're for tomorrow. ETC: The problem with the gravel path, I decided, is that the white stood out too much. I liked the more distant section of the path because it blended better, so I worked on that and got this:  I'm good with that, although I think it's funny that I stuck to the bluish shadows as opposed to the actual gray in the picture. Blue is nicer... And a test of the words:  On to the kids! MORE ETC: I'm told that red, as the color for the words, is a poor choice. I'll play with that. How about "pale yellow?"  |
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Cards: Batch Number Three |
 This is the third batch of cards that I've purchased. Every time that I go to the printers and pick them up, I fall in love with them all over again. I recall what it was to choose the image, measure out the rectangle with which I paint, select colors, paint brushstroke after brushstroke, and then scan in the finished work. Each card is a story. Each one is a gamble. It's a risk of my time and money. But to look at the finished product, it's all worth it. I'll allow myself that satisfaction. Because this was a smaller batch, my cost per card was higher this time. Roughly $1.30 per card. Normally, it's only about 50¢. Lesson learned, and an expensive one at that. But it is a risk. What if I don't get my money back out of my investment? How do I sell them to insure that I do? Did I paint the right card? Is it the right message? The right look? What's gratifying to me is that my more recent cards sell better than my earlier cards. I must be getting a clue, which makes my wallet happy. So, that's it for my bit of respite this evening. Now off to my friendship painting. |
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 It's going okay so far and I'm having fun with it. Painting trees and shrubbery has always challenged me, but I figure that practice will help me with that. The text for this one will be "Friends hold hands... and help each other... and walk through life together." You'll see why as I finish it. I'm about half-done now. Today, I proofed three of my cards at the printers. I ordered 50 each. Might be done and ready to pick up tomorrow. |
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Been a while, but here I go... thirty minutes into this one. I have a ways to go...  This is where I left off back in May. May, fer chrissakes! Oy... but I needed to reconsider how to create and sell my cards. Lessons learned: - Women buy.
- Specific and detailed people don't sell.
- Good words make the card more attractive. (Just as poignant lyrics make the pretty melody much more desireable.)
- Somehow, my cards seem to sell in larger quantities (a dozen at a time, or so).
Am I talking about a catalog of some sort?So I'm listening to Handel and painting... Yeah, I like painting people, but I also like painting the cards. I'll find a happy medium or do both. But really, I like painting and want to be my own boss, so painting cards wins over painting people for now. |
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My mom is a therapist who looks frequently for good authors/thinkers and she will mention them to me. She's a big fan of a guy named Gottman. He's into divorce prediction, and has done studies complete with electrodes and cameras and other means of recording the moods, conversation, and interaction of a couple. Here's one of his indicators: Wives who make sour facial expressions when their husbands talk are likely to be separated within four years. Hubbies won't talk if what he says brings a grimace to his wife's face. Nor will he hang around her if she doesn't smile when he appears. She doesn't have to always smile, but friends get smiles when encountered. Children get smiles. If the man doesn't get a regular warm welcome, why be there? And so separation happens... never discount a smile. It's the easiest and often the most engaging thing we can give to someone.Gottman has this notion of the "four horses of the apocalypse." These are the four predictors of relationship demise. Ready? - Withdrawal
- Criticism
- Contempt
- Defensiveness
There's a cure for these. Don't withdraw - stay in the room and mentally engaged to work it out. Soften criticism. Be open to the soft criticisms of your spouse - really listen. Focus on what you admire about your partner, and not on what bugs you.There's a good article here that gives a brief summary. Here's a snippet: In a healthy relationship, Gottman says, "there must be a rich climate of nourishing emotions: teasing, laughter, validation, kindness and understanding." In stable marriages, the ratio of positive to negative interactions is five to one, Gottman finds. Couples who store healthy feelings, he adds, have enough invested to bail themselves out when they get into trouble.When negativity gets on a roll, he says, contempt is "the single biggest predictor of divorce. It is sulfuric acid for love; it completely erodes it." Contempt often goes hand in hand with constant criticism, which one partner may use as a result of having endured it as a child. We are creatures of habit. We often mimic what we've known. Even the most idyllic childhood can bring a few bad habits.Relationships aren't for the faint of heart. The search for love is a risk, but it's worth it. And it's worth the work in keeping it once you find it. ETC: Here's a good link to a review of one of Gottman's tapes. Listening to Gottman we learn that both happy and unhappy couples argue, but unhappy couples are far more likely to engage in a wide range of destructive fighting techniques, including personal attack, dredging up the past, losing focus and name calling. Well-adjusted couples speak clearly and openly with each other and listen empathically; while distressed couples generally resort to what Gottman calls the "four horsemen of the apocalypse," ineffective behaviors which are highly predictive of divorce. The four predictors are criticism, defensiveness, withdrawal and contempt. Satisfied couples are friends and, therefore, employ more positive than negative exchanges. They also have better problem solving skills. Dissatisfied couples, on the other hand, are likely to engage in negatively escalating conflicts and become stuck in repetitively destructive patterns. The term "four horsemen" is also used to describe a downward spiraling sequence with criticism more likely for women and withdrawal more likely for men. The male partner's ability to deal with conflict is a great predictor of the outcome of a marriage. Generally, men are less competent in relationship skills than women. The degree to which they are inadequate at handling conflict indicates the likelihood of deterioration within the relationship. Gottman observed that gender differences are most prominent in bad marriages, especially in situations where men refuse to be influenced by women. In stable marriages, wives soften their criticism and husbands accept influence from their spouses. Male withdrawal is not causal but is an epiphenomena of distressed marriages. The typical pattern is that the wife pursues and the husband withdraws; in an ailing marriage this pattern is most pronounced. Gottman questions John Gray's suppositions of great gender differences between men and women because he found only a few. He argues that women are more likely to criticize. Men are typically less effective when expressing themselves and therefore more likely to withdraw. Unfortunately, the withdrawal has a negative effect. Yup. What he said. |
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What is willpower? Why is it that some seem to have more willpower than others? I want to venture forward a definition of willpower, and by doing so I'm going to take some of the "oomph" out of willpower. It's not some magical or genetic material more present in some people than in others. My definition: Willpower is a decision and a desire to change. Break it apart. "Will" implies a decision and commitment. "Power" is the energy put behind the decision. For those who lack willpower, they either haven't made a decision to change, of if they are convinced that there should be change, they don't stay mindful of the need for change. Therefore, those who seem to have a lot of willpower are those who are unafraid to make a decision to change and who hunger enough for that change to see it through day by day. That's it. Willpower is self-centered. I don't mean that it's selfish. I mean that it applies to the self. I can try and convince others to join me in my thinking, but that's persuasion, not willpower. Willpower is what I decide for myself and what I put into it. My willpower won't change anyone. It can only change me. If I convince others through persuasion to join me in change, then they have to apply that desire to change to themselves. I can encourage them, but it's best if they believe in it as I do. If I lead by example, that helps. "Be the change that I seek in the world," as Gandhi says. But I can't change others. Nor should I want to, because then it's only artificial and only lasts as long as my negative persuasion or positive persuasion lasts. I might be able to show them the benefit of the change, but ultimately it's something that they have to want for themselves. I can't change others. They can only change themselves. Trying to change someone is wasted energy. It's generally resented. It's regarded as control. But I'm never in control of anyone else. I only control myself. Willpower is a beautiful gift. I can change myself. It can energize me and spawn change in others by my example. Control of others is ugly. I can't change others permanently. It's a waste of time and hurts people. Just thinking out loud... |
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