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I haven't been posting much for the past couple of days because life kind of grabbed me and didn't let go.

On a positive note, my son, Austin, celebrated his 8th birthday. Which was a week ago, actually, but the party was last night. Friends and family and gifts and laughter. Great medicine for what preceded the night.

Work has been very, very busy for me. I don't usually "work blog," but we were trying to get some things wrapped up for a group and scheduling was tight. And a couple of the web sites that I've developed for departments look like they might go corporate, which is exciting. And I've been asked to write an Intranet search engine, so I've been trying to wrap my brain around that. I know a decent amount about how Google works, so I'm using what I know to be best practice to do this. It's a cool puzzle to solve.

And my daughter has had to deal with the suicide of a friend of hers. We found out two nights ago and have been reeling from it since that time. The greater tragedy in the death was that the girl didn't actually intend to kill herself. She just wanted time away from everything and was hoping for a hospital visit of a few days. Unfortunately, the overdose of anti-depressants took over and the ambulance arrived to late to save her. She made it to the hospital, but it was there that she woke up long enough to apologize to her parents. And then she died.

My daughter's best friend called me at work to tell me of the news. I went home to then break the news. As I've watched her come through this, I'm deeply proud of her and thankful for who she is.

I listened yesterday at work to Bonnie Raitt's "Wounded Heart."

Wounded heart, I cannot save you from yourself
Though I wanted to be brave It never helped
Cuz your trouble's like a flood raging through your veins
No amount of love's enough to end the pain

It was about all I could do to keep from crying at my desk. I mean, you can't help but think of the trauma in your children's lives and what they go through and I just sat awash in gratitude that I know each of them. I go home each day and make dinner for the older three and myself. One of them once told me that I am their anchor in the world. I think it's easy to take little things for granted. Like dinner with people you love.

A friend of mine sent me some quotes this morning, one of which was this:

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
--Abraham Lincoln

On the night that she found out, my daughter drove to where the girl lived and spent time with all their friends. They each took turns telling their favorite stories about her. Like the time that she died her hair blue, or the time that she drove the car while a friend rode in the trunk to see what it was like. They reminisced about her artwork, which was very good, and about her honesty, which was always direct but kind.

Though I appreciate Lincoln's thought about quality over quantity, quantity is not to be disregarded. "Love" is spelled "T-I-M-E."

So spend time with those you love this weekend, and don't forget to tell them how they matter to your life.


by Brett Rogers, 4/8/2005 1:17:48 PM


"The greater tragedy in the death was that the girl didn't actually intend to kill herself. She just wanted time away from everything and was hoping for a hospital visit of a few days."

Oh my god. That is about the most tragic thing I've heard. She should have called the hospital and told them what she was thinking. They would have taken her for a few days. Wow. I'm just speechless.



Posted by Jody Halsted, 4/8/2005 9:52:58 PM

"I just sat awash in gratitude that I know each of them"

Very well written. The chance to know your children is one of the gifts of the universe.



Posted by Mikey, 4/9/2005 12:06:11 AM

A phone call. That's all it would have taken. Poor baby. My mind always reels when I hear about suicide, because it always strikes me that no one thinks of it until they are (or perceive themselves to be) totally alone. All she wanted was somebody to take care of her for a few days. Why did she feel like that was the way to get it? Why didn't she just tell somebody? That's what breaks my heart. And they are probably questions those who loved her will have to deal with now. My thoughts are with them...and with your daughter, who sounds like a fabulous kid. You are, indeed, very lucky.



Posted by Bella, 4/9/2005 12:20:24 PM

Last night was the visitation and today was the funeral. I haven't asked her thoughts on it all yet, but I expect that within the next few days she and I will talk about it. She needs to do things in her own time... but to watch her go through this, she's amazing.

A gift of the universe - very good way of putting it, Mikey.



Posted by Brett Rogers (, 4/9/2005 9:43:20 PM

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