Oops

A recent study gave the news that over half of 3,000 women surveyed would not choose again their husband. Remarry the guy? No way.

Other interesting facts from the survey...

• 76% of married women keep secrets from their husbands
• 84% of all American wives would want to be told if their husbands were cheating
• 49% of them have suspected or even caught their husband having an affair
• 39% flirt with other men constantly
• 32% sleep on the opposite end of the bed from their husband

ETC: Tamara reads this and says to me, "And the men?" So I searched, and found a survey with a difference of opinion:

• When the 1,001 married people surveyed were asked if they would marry their spouse all over again, 71% agreed they would.
• 62% of respondents said "I love my spouse even more than when we were first married."
• 61% of respondents married for 21 years or more find their marriage is better than the typical American marriage.

And from the guys in the second survey:

In the survey, participants were asked to write verbatim answers to questions regarding their marriage. In reviewing the hundreds of responses from men, researchers were struck at the preponderance of highly emotional, positive and sensitive responses. The comments were in strong contrast to common stereotypes of men as emotionally detached. When asked to describe their most cherished marriage moments, men said:

- "Kissing in the Snow."
- "The look of joy and happiness on her face as she came toward me at the altar."
- "The first and every time we make love."
- "I can't believe how lucky I am to have the woman of my dreams. I cherish every moment of every day that I'm with her."

by Brett Rogers, 1/12/2007 8:58:43 AM
Permalink

This is both interesting and frightening. Reading the facts you posted I can't say I am overly surprised but taking a look at the article and seeing that 2 out of 3 remarriages end in divorce? That is surprising to me. Does that indicate we are more likely to follow the same pattern and fail again, looking for the same things in a mate (old habits are really that hard to break)? Are we just to lazy to put the effort into changing? Are we too hurt to risk trying again in a way that a relationship can succeed?

Before I read this I was already of the mindset that I'd never remarry. Divorce really takes so much from you. More power to those with the stones to dive back in again. Me, I'll sit by the side of the pool with a drink and watch. Right now, life just seems more peaceful that way.

Posted by Pale Rider, 1/12/2007 10:22:45 AM

Please, let me clarify. My soap box this morning is that I think that providing results of any survey without the context or the why's behind the responses is dangerous and provides the opportunity to misconstrue what the people being surveyed really meant.

To go further, as Brett and I have discussed this issue this morning - I think that couples go astray for multiple reasons and it can be the responsibility of either or. I thought the first survey lacked context and was one-sided, so I wanted to know where were the men of those women and how would they have responded.

I really needed context to understand the results better. You can google and find results that would be indicative of any slant you want to represent but again without the why's... you don't have the whole picture and that is dangerous.

Brett and I have had long, detailed discussions regarding standards and I think that having standards applies to this as well. I will not go too far into that right now as I could probably write a book.

Posted by Tamara, 1/12/2007 11:47:16 AM

It would be interesting to see responses broken out by age group. What one wants and needs in their 30's isn't the same as in their 50's.

As a man seeing these numbers, it's a wakeup call. I don't see it as something being wrong with women. I see it as men being a bit more self centered, not having the ability or desire to communicate on a level needed, that drives women away. To me, lack of the ability to communicate effectively is what kills most relationships. Men may be able to listen but often we don't hear the message.

So now we know the true reason behind global warming! Maybe now I won't get as much grief for driving my gas guzzling truck! I think I'll get some "Blame Brett" bumper stickers printed up!

Posted by Pale Rider, 1/12/2007 12:18:01 PM

I agree that needs change with socio ecnomic groups as well as age groups. I am wondering what women understood as they saw that survey as you, PR, and Brett took away the same thoughts.

Hopefully Bella or some other woman would be willing to relay what they took out of the survey. It points to the fact in my mind that we (men and women do see different meanings from the same words at times).

Posted by Tamara, 1/12/2007 4:19:30 PM

Honestly, I take very little from either survey because both come from publications I don't respect a great deal...no offense to anybody. They do, indeed, raise very interesting talking points, but I don't give the numbers a whole lot of creedence. I think it's true that when it comes to media, people do tend to be what they read...it's kind of the basis of all advertising---certain publications attract certain audiences and certain publications will use/spin facts/numbers to appeal to those audiences---which is basically what Tamara said, I guess, now that I look at it. :-)

I also get frustrated with surveys from a semantic point of view. They tend to be a little too ambiguous with terms...what is a "secret"? Is it that I eat cookies in the car, or that I chew my nails, or that I have the body of a former lover in the basement? What is 'constantly'? And isn't the left side of the bed the opposite of the right? I'm all about the snuggling, but seriously. :-) So yeah...again, what Tamara said---context. Amen, sister.

I've never been married, so I can't really say what does or doesn't work---but y'know, on the whole, I'm not sure anybody really can. But I do know this,: all relationships are special and unique, so I don't believe numbers regarding topics like 'would I marry him again' have a real point. So what if whatever percent would or wouldn't? The question should be "Would s/ he and I?"

As for me right now, and granted this changes all the time, but still....PR, save me a lounge chair and a margarita and I'll bring the sunblock. :-)

Posted by Bella, 1/12/2007 7:28:29 PM

Lounge chair, sunblock, and unlimited supply of margaritas it is! We can have a bonfire later and use all of these questionable publications to start the fire ;).

Now to go back to learning how to "talk like a pirate." See all the fun things us single people can do at midnight on a Friday? Yes I am actually doing this and there really is a "talk like a pirate day." Go ahead and google it once you stop laughing. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Posted by Pale Rider, 1/13/2007 12:42:02 AM