A good friend of mine once told me that there is nothing sexier than a man who loves and adores his wife. I'll stretch that a bit further. There is nothing sexier than a couple who only have eyes for each other. When I see that, I wish that for everyone. That depth of intimacy sparks the air around them and brings people to talk of their "magic" long beyond the evening.
On the flip side, is there anything less sexy than a married guy flirting with other women? Oh, but it's innocent and harmless, some say. He'd never do anything with someone other than his wife, they'll tell you. He's just being a guy, others say in excuse for him. Worse, I hear him say, "At the end of the night, she's only one I go to bed with." Some consolation. After ogling, flirting, and touching every woman in the place, his wife now gets to go home with him. I wonder if he's thinking of his wife when they're in bed...
Is it okay for the married guy to flirt? Go ahead... type in "married flirting" into Google. The results are riddled with affairs, the top link pointing to "Discreet Adventures." Yeah. What woman wants to sign up for that when she marries her man?
I bring this up (and passionately so) because I was recently subjected to this behavior by an acquaintance who did this at a party. He touched other women and even lay on top of one as she was on the couch. Her husband was in the adjacent room and he said nothing. In fact, no one said anything because no one wants to ruffle any feathers. He's an okay guy once you get to know him, I'm told. Allow me to call bullshit on that.
If my spouse flirts with others, then flirting with me becomes meaningless. Where it might have been sexy once, it loses its attractiveness. Just like going to lunch with someone doesn't imply a date because I do it with so many people, if I flirt with others while I am married the implication of attraction toward my spouse becomes washed out because it's shared with others. Flirting becomes common and nothing special. Big deal.
I've never heard any woman look at the married guy who flirts with other women and say, "Gee, I wish I could find a guy like that." Instead, I've heard some single women suggest that he'd be fun for a night. But that's it. Until they consider that he's been passed around like so much Jell-o at the table of a potluck supper. How special can that be? Only enough for one night. Maybe two.
On the other hand, I've seen single women look at the married guy who only has eyes for his wife and they light up. They smile and say approvingly, "She found a really good man. He's totally in love with her." That is exactly how it should be. Bingo.
They say that we become who we hang out with.
It would never cross my mind that someone I would call a friend would touch my wife inappropriately. Instead, he would seek to protect her and my marriage from the men who would try to do that.
A friend wouldn't see my wife as a sexy thing he can play with, but rather he would see her as half of me. Because of this, he would treat her with respect and care.
A friend knows that she's mine because she gave herself to me. He wouldn't think of crossing that line.
Such a man is one whom I can call a friend. And those are the kind of people with whom I want to surround myself.