Earlier today, Patti and I were doing housework together. While we do, we play and sing together. I was working in the kitchen (dishes and granola - see previous post) and she was doing laundry. The song, Desperado, came on my play list and she mentioned that her first beau, Micah, sang that to her in a private moment. In many ways, her previous mentions of Micah were positive and I said to her, "Unselfishly, you know - I wish you two had stayed together. It sounds like you would have avoided a lot of hurt. After your divorce, you two didn't connect?"
"We did. I didn't tell you that story?"
I didn't recall it, and I'm usually pretty good about that sort of thing. "No, I don't think so," I told her. "When is the last time you heard from him?"
"About 3 years ago. We'd reconnected and he'd never married. He lived in Colorado. He told me that he couldn't stop thinking about me, so he flew to Houston."
"Wow. Okay - so what happened?"
"He pulled up to my house, got out of the car, and I could see it in his face immediately - he couldn't do it."
"What do you mean?"
"He said to me, 'I'm sorry - I can't do this.' He explained that he couldn't live as a husband, mowing the yard, working the job, being a step-dad - he'd gotten used to his life. He stayed with his family for the weekend and now lives in Tacoma, Washington."
I've always pooh-pooh'ed the idea of The One - the person with whom we are perfectly compatible. I figured that there are lots of people out there with whom we can make it work. But after knowing her dating history, and seeing how her daughters and family are taking to me, and how she feels through our relationship, it hit me: I'm the guy. I am her perfect fit.
She saw the look on my face. "What's going on, sweetie?"
"I'm the guy."
She nodded, teary-eyed, "Yes, silly. You're the guy. You're my guy. You're perfect for me."
And likewise, she's the girl. We started dating in December, and not once have either of us raised our voices or said anything cross. We've had a couple of "Whoa, wait a minute..." conversations, but it was gentle and we both listened while the other spoke and it was easy. Yesterday, we were driving home from the Kroger and we remarked that we've never had an argument.
"Every day is great," we both agreed.
It's the most drama-free relationship that either of us has been in. I suppose that's because she's the girl and me, I'm the guy.
It's worth getting the fit right. It was just a crazy road to get there.