Driving with Patti around town yesterday, I recalled that in Seeing I wrote that "divorce, at the end of the day, is an act of self-preservation." The self has been squelched, sacrificed, and needs freedom to be what it naturally is - itself.
As we talked about it further, it occurred to me that a free relationship would require no acts of self-preservation. Why would it? You're free to be you.
That's when I knew that Freeing, which is a book I'll write about how to allow others be themselves, will be based upon that premise. When people around you require no acts of self-preservation because they feel free to be who they naturally are and accepted and loved accordingly, you're doing it right.
I told Patti last week of an idea I've had for a while that I call the "tendency toward life." The idea is simply that in the universe, if life can take place, it will find a way to do so. The idea first hit me when I was walking up Stone Mountain in Georgia. I saw this small, but obviously very mature tree growing in the shallowest of cracks in the granite. There couldn't have been hardly any dirt in that narrow crack, but that tree found a way. Likewise, there are tiny organisms that thrive near the thousands of the degrees in temperature at the oceans vents. Creatures at the bottom of the sea in incredible pressures... hence, a tendency toward life.
Driving across town today to her mother's house for Easter, Patti told me that relationships can't be measured by the presence of growth. After all, a tree can grow in the rockiest of environments, but that doesn't mean that it will grow to its fullest potential. She reminded me that there is a tendency toward life in people and in relationships, but that doesn't mean that people are free to be themselves.
I'm sure that little tree, if it were possible, would be thankful for the maturation it has achieved, but rock is hardly optimum. What if it would have had the soil under it to grow freely, without obstruction, branches rising aloft and strong?
Big difference. It was a brilliant connection she made, and a great conversation.
As we rode, I coded something I've been working on - the ability to text your hours into an active project. I have a client who wanted an easier way to have their people, who work very long hours on very "dirty jobs" projects across several states, submit their daily time on the project, and the last thing that these workers want to do at the end of the day is fill out paperwork and fax it in. They're not techy, they don't all have smartphones, and they need an easier way. So I took 247Toolset's texting ability and created a timesheet entry protocol via text message. As we pulled into Marilyn's driveway for Easter lunch, I successfully logged my first entry and got a confirmation text in reply about my entry. Patti and I did a little victory dance together as we entered the house.
I love her... and I love life with her. It's the most free I have ever felt. Not once has she wanted to change anything about me - my clothes, my manner, my methods, my words... I'm simply free to be me. I'm not ready to write Being, but I could probably write Freeing. I'm living it.