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Yesterday while in the waiting room at the hospital, I was near enough to the reception desk to overhear the not-so-quiet discussion that went on among the five ladies of the office. Each woman, in turn and with no exception, dumped on her husband big time. Each would lampoon her man and grouse about him, and the other women would voice their support and outrage and then contribute a story that agreed with their compatriots.

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm very unaccepting of male bad behavior. I'm not an apologist for guys at all, but this 30-minute tirade was just ugly. It ended with one woman fantasizing about leaving her guy, and how she would do it. But she wasn't serious about it, and all that I could think of was the office Christmas party, and how these women would show up with their husbands whom they don't love and carry on as though everything were fine.

There's no defense for that kind of gossip and backbiting.


Tags: relationships
by Brett Rogers, 4/27/2005 1:01:23 PM


I hate that kind of behavior. Sadly, in a most offices it is the norm. Especially in waiting room situations. If I hear this sort of thing from fellow co-workers or friends. (both male and female) I will ask them point blank if they love their spouse. The answer is always yes. I then ask why they talk the way they do about them. More often than not they have no answer. Then why are you doing it? Is it just to be part of the group? I hate any kind of negativity, especially backbiting and gossip.



Posted by Anonymous, 4/27/2005 3:01:00 PM

Complaining like this is an admission of either unwillingness or impotence, eh? Either they don't want to do something about it, or they can't/don't know how.

It's inevitable during a marriage that a person will find some reason to be disappointed. Didn't take out the trash, didin't remember to write that check to the kids' school, made a weird dinner - whatever. Like you say, do you love your spouse?

None of the complaints that I heard involved adultery or addiction or abuse. One woman complained, for quite a while, that her husband was too nervous about their retirement savings, and that he had placed restrictions on the both of them about spending money, so that purchases above a certain amount required agreement.

"I earn my money, honey. I'm too old for rules like that."

The rest of the world might be frothy toward you, but your spouse shouldn't be contributing. He/she ought to have your back, not climb on top of it for the amusement of others.



Posted by Brett Rogers (, 4/27/2005 5:01:01 PM

This is exactly why I'd rather pay for a cheap whore or use an inflatable sheep rather than pimp my soul to a woman under the guise of a "relationship." I'm sure there are some nice women out there - however the risk of getting burned isn't worth the benefits of a relationship. Need companionship? Get a horse. Feeling lonely? Make a date with "Lefty." Looking for a meaningful conversation? Talk to a cactus. Trust me, the cactus will make more sense and you can remove those thorns with pliers.



Posted by Buffalo Bill, 5/2/2005 11:09:29 PM

lmao, Bill.

Actually, my newly minted recipe is to simply date for quite a while, get to know their family and friends very well before popping the question. I'm in no hurry. Lunacy, if it's to be found, will show itself within a few months, I think.



Posted by Brett Rogers (, 5/3/2005 9:21:44 AM

also lmao Bill.

Relationships are tricky. I am all for a permanent boyfriend situation.

Brett, I agree with you also. Crazy has a way of showing itself.



Posted by Anonymous, 5/3/2005 10:37:09 AM

Hold on there partner! You think after two strikes the third one will be a charm? Perhaps I need to introduce you to a good sheep. (Albeit, I don't know your story, and it isn't an appropriate blogging topic.)

Keep your focus on your kids, my friend. No woman is worth missing the slightest opportunity with your children. Been there, done that. Watched it happen to a friend, too. Too many dynamics. Usually ends ugly. Some can do it, but rare. Is it worth the risk of hurting your family so you can find love? Hell no, that's selfish thinking.

If a date calls me up while I'm playing with my little ranch hands, I hang up on her. Here's my dating rules.

Rule #1: My kids come first.
Rule #2: My family and best friends come next.
Rule #3: Don't interfere with #1 or #2.
Rule #4: I don't care how big your boobs are, I've already had the best sex of my life, and you aren't it. Rule #5: If you stick around for a decade I might move you up from "friend" to "best friend."
Rule #6: I don't have sex with best friends.



Posted by Buffalo Bill, 5/3/2005 7:04:45 PM

Bill, I love it when people are this honest.

I agree that no woman is worth my children. That's part of the reason why I have no interest in dating right now. I don't need the distraction of a relationship and its needs from what I already have on my plate. Me = no dating.

There may come a day when I feel as though I'll have the space in my life to pursue a relationship. If that happens, I plan to go slowly.

We'll see what happens. Here's my take on your rules:

#1: Kids first - you betcha.
#2: Agreed.
#3: No smart woman would ask such a thing. That would be an early sign of lunacy if she insisted otherwise. And no lunatics allowed.
#4: Don't knock boobs. That said, I wouldn't be into the relationship for the sake of sex. I'd be looking for a partner in life, not just a sex partner.
#5: A decade... mercy, that's a whlie. I think I'm bit easier than that.
#6: Isn't a wife a best friend?



Posted by Brett Rogers (, 5/3/2005 7:41:40 PM

By the way, Bill - you got a blog? I'd love to read it.



Posted by Brett Rogers (, 5/3/2005 7:47:09 PM

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