Our Best

I recently had an encounter with someone who plays the victim. I've met a lot of those in life. It occurred to me that people do this because no one expects anything of a victim.

"You poor dear - lie down and rest."

Initially after a traumatic event, being numb and working to recover from the event robs us of our normal productivity. That's normal.

Carrying it beyond that point and refusing to get back into the swing of life is incomprehensible to me.

Think about a person you know who, when you see him, immediately utters how life burdens him. Down in the mouth about people and life and circumstances... we drop our expectations of that person right away. Don't want to burden them further.

It's laziness, and I call bullshit on it.

It used to be that we looked down on the person who required welfare from others because they couldn't hold themselves up. Self-sustaining was a requirement. "Productive member of society" - a phrase you seldom hear any more.

Playing the victim is a form of social welfare.

If there is an unsigned "social contract," it's not to give what we have away to others who are less fortunate. Everyone in life, at some point, suffers poor fortune. Life has twists and turns. Lord, I've had my share. But no matter how often you wind up in the dirt, you get back up, dust off, and smile forward.

The unspoken social contract, if it exists, is to hold ourselves up to the best of our ability. It's not the job of others to hold me up, or for me to hold up others.

We owe it to others to be our best. We owe it to ourselves. The more we operate that way, the less likely we are to ever be a victim, or give ourselves the opportunity to play one.

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by Brett Rogers, 2/26/2013 8:31:17 AM
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Cell

As sales of 247Toolset continue, we recently sold a cell phone distributor. We imported their 50,000 customers into their portal, which gives them the ability to search by eligibility date and device so that they can text message them a coupon.

Which leads to these results...

Which then allows them to text message the list.

Targeting your customers like that isn't something you can easily do in the industry today. We'll be going after this vertical very aggressively. And in other industries too.

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by Brett Rogers, 2/10/2013 7:23:55 AM
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Protection

The "Us" is a fragile, precious, and rare thing. It's no different than a baby, born into the world, with two people to love and care for it.

We make the assumption that because it doesn't really exist - it's not a corporeal being - and because it's really the blend of two adults, that somehow it will fend for itself.

But the truth is that the world seeks to tear it to shreds from the moment it's spawned. The desires and jealousies of others, rumor, finances and stresses of various kinds, time robbed of it by concerns that seem more pressing... "Us" spends its usually short life in soft and hard assaults, and frequently unattended.

A mother famously sports her mama bear claws for her cub when danger arises. She rises on her hind legs and brandishes every vicious promise she can muster to the threat she perceives. Nobody fucks with her family.

Isn't "Us" family? I mean, to be sure, isn't it the very nucleus of the family? Doesn't it deserve protection as much as a newborn or any other member of the family?

Relationships are not about finding someone with whom you can hang out and get along. That carelessness will end in tragedy. Breakups and divorces happen all of the time. 75th anniversaries occur with such rarity that they're almost unheard of. Nobody gets into a relationship with the goal of briefly riding it to a bitter end but rather in hope of loving persistence. "Us" isn't capable of feeding itself or caring for itself - and regrettably "Us" often doesn't receive the passionate attention and care and protection it needs to grow strong and healthy.

We watch our children with a third eye. We're wary of strangers. Overprotective isn't always a bad thing. We admire people who have a superb sense of parental strength and guidance.

We also celebrate those who surpass decades in marital unity. You don't get to those years without a third eye and being wary of the dangers that can threaten "Us."

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by Brett Rogers, 2/6/2013 8:45:02 PM
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Fitness

From Seeing:

Dating is how you sample the Us before making that big commitment to move forward together. It's the trial run. You test the relationship. You try it out with your family and friends - and your children, if you already have some. Dating is not about showing the world that you found someone who actually hangs out with you. Dating is about learning whether you should continue to hang around that person. It's about learning the fit between the two of you.

For that reason, you have an obligation to be your most natural self. The other person needs to see you exactly as you are.

But what if they run away?

Then it's not a fit, oh heart.

But then I will be alone!

Until you find a fit, yes.

Some people change their behavior and expectations after commitment. You might wake up to a person and a relationship you've never encountered if this happens. It is a Bait and Switch. You thought you found a fit while dating and discovered something completely unknown and unexpected when committed.

Something so deeply unfair and deceptive cannot last. So it's best to simply be your most natural self. Expose it all. Let the other person see you fully. Because eventually they will anyway.

Sight is everything. Without clarity, you don't have anything.

ETC: A friend of mine who will likely jump back into the dating pool in a few months urged me to amend this - it's not that you want to reveal everything.

She's right. I don't mean to "Expose it all," though that is what I wrote. Poor wording on my part.

You don't have to reveal everything about you all at once. That would be overwhelming and inappropriate. But if some aspect of your life were revealed, there wouldn't be a jarring shock at what your suitor would find. What s/he would find would be consistent with what's already known about you.

You reveal enough to convey a sense of you that the possibility of shock at other revelations wouldn't be relationship-threatening.

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by Brett Rogers, 2/6/2013 10:08:11 AM
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Today's Beauty

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by Brett Rogers, 1/29/2013 1:50:16 PM
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Repost: Escape Velocity

Reposted, in part, from this.

In mankind's millennia-old pursuit to escape the confines of the earth, it turned out that gravity was the tether and that a mixture of kerosene and liquid oxygen was the fuel to push into the freedom of space.

I loved space, as a kid. Still do. One of my favorite movies is Contact. Star Trek can mesmerize me. On the clearest nights, I watch for the still persistence of satellites moving through the sky overhead. Space, I guess, stands for what is possible.

Speaking personally, I don't care much for tether. I'm a bit like the dog that would chew its leg off before settling for chained existence.

My personal goal is to reach escape velocity, where I push beyond the reach of any tether and I can move freely in any direction. The rest is up to me.

I'm still fighting for escape velocity. Until I achieve it, it is bred into my DNA. I cannot help but be who I am. I know that there is a mixture of fuel for me that will sustain my launch, so I persist.

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by Brett Rogers, 1/22/2013 10:15:34 AM
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Today's Beauty

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by Brett Rogers, 1/18/2013 9:36:05 AM
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Commitment

There are two big stages in a relationship.

The first is being in love.

The second is commitment.

The heart does what it wants to do, and being in love isn't really something you decide on. It's something you feel. Now, you can choose to love someone, in spite of how you feel, but no one would mistake that for being in love.

Commitment, on the other hand, is a choice.

Commitment, in a nutshell, is choosing not to reconsider the relationship.

I've talked with several friends about this. I think mine is an odd definition, but I'll walk you through my thinking.

Most people would say that commitment is choosing to stay in the relationship. You commit, you stick.

I think that leaves the door open to a lot of problems.

But first, commitment...

When you first declare someone "boyfriend" or "girlfriend," you're declaring to the world that you're no longer in the market. You're not looking. You've entered a monogamous relationship with no plans to leave.

There's a certain expectation that comes with being declared "boyfriend" or "girlfriend." The expectation is no cheating, no looking around. You've chosen to work on building the relationship.

If that succeeds well, there comes later a proposal. You're engaged. You declare to the world that you intend to make the object of your affection your lifelong mate. You're not looking. Your monogamous relationship has flowered to the next stage and you have no plans to leave.

There's a certain expectation that comes with being declared "fiancée." The expectation is no cheating, no looking around. You've chosen to work on building the relationship toward marriage.

Could you still back out? You bet. Just as you can at boyfriend/girlfriend. So what's the difference between these two? Your openness to reconsideration.

In any relationship, there is a series of actions - gates, if you will - through which the person passes.

Treats me well? Check.
Kisses great? Check.
Moves among my friends and family with grace and ease? Check.

As the person encounters and moves through each of these, we gain confidence in the relationship, and the openness to reconsideration diminishes over time. In other words, if we deem someone a "match" for us, we stay with them until we decide that there is a reason to reconsider staying with them. We pair intuitively. (If that weren't true, the entire dating industry wouldn't exist.)

And then marriage... nothing came up during courtship or engagement that urged us to reconsider. In the absence of red lights, we move ahead.

Until divorce, which is unfortunately what happens most of the time. Divorce is not an option until one or both people determine that it's time to reconsider the relationship.

Commitment is the choice to not reconsider.

There are many people who "stay" in the relationship physically, but emotionally they're not in it. Divorce? Not an option. Chatting with a "friend" who "gets" you? Hey - what's the harm, right? Flirtation creeps in, and off you go on an emotional affair and you move dangerously close to cheating. But hey - you're sticking, right?

Not really. You left monogamy a while back when you left your partner and decided to emotionally "partner" with someone else. It could be a person at work, a long-time friend, or even your parents. Ask yourself: where is your heart? With whom do you share your most inner self? By whose side do you want to be? Love is where the heart is.

To understand commitment, you have to understand reconsideration. Whether you are boyfriend/girlfriend, fiancée, or spouse, reconsideration means that you are open to leaving the relationship. That includes emotionally leaving as well.

If you have a habit of emotionally leaving, then you don't have a clue what commitment really means. You live in reconsideration by choosing not to build on what you found, and taking your heart elsewhere.

There's nothing wrong with reconsideration. Everyone is free to live life as is best for them. But to remain in a relationship physically while allowing your heart to wander is a cruel abuse to the one you pretend to love. Just be honest about your reconsideration and leave. Don't call what you're doing commitment.

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by Brett Rogers, 1/15/2013 9:09:23 AM
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Today's Beauty

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by Brett Rogers, 1/13/2013 11:37:33 AM
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Today's Beauty

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by Brett Rogers, 1/10/2013 9:44:22 AM
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