In a bizarre circumstance, my family and I happened to be on I-24 headed east just outside of Nashville, Tennessee, when all traffic came to a halt. There'd been an accident about 1/4 mile from where we were now parked on the interstate. 30 minutes later, a life flight helicopter lands to take away the injured.
I had my camera with me, and so I shot a quick video of the helicopter as it took flight to rush to the hospital. Not something you see every day.
I don't know if the injured are okay. I can't find a story link to it anywhere. But the accident looked bad enough.
If I find a story link later, I'll post it.
ETC: Pale Rider tells me in comments that this is the link to the news story. Very sad... and thanks, PR. Be safe on your vacation.
MORE ETC: Justin's best friend was evidently in the crash, and Justin was riding in an adjacent vehicle. He comments and gives the story, and you can read what he has to say. I'd like to add that my family and I were pretty concerned for the victims and we wanted to know what happened. In no way did I intend to offend anyone by posting this. In fact, I was surprised that the local news channels didn't have more to say about it, because everyone in the other cars on the interstate with us expressed a desire to know what had happened. I hope this fills in the blanks.
As I leisurely rewrote my web site over the past few months, I implemented a new blogroll. The format is longer than a typcial blogroll, and so I grew concerned about having tens or eventually hundreds of blogs listed because it would be exhausting to find anyone.
Well, no more. I implemented Tags, to make filtering the list easier.
Check it out! I'll begin adding more folks to it in the next week.
I highly recommend Dorothy Leeds book, The 7 Powers of Questions. I've based the following 10 questions from a quiz in her book. Give a simple True or False to each question.
1. Sometimes, I get impatient when listening to others and finish their sentences for them.
2. I make clear eye contact with the person to whom I am listening.
3. Sometimes, people tell me that I am not listening to them.
4. When listening, I spend more time trying to see the other person's perspective than I do thinking of what to say next.
5. When I can't give my full attention, I let the other person know.
6. I think it's appropriate to interrupt whenever I need clarification.
7. How well I listen depends on the person speaking.
8. I can listen and multitask at the same time.
9. I never need to take notes, as I remember conversations quite well.
10. When I meet someone and I hear their name, I generally remember it.
How'd you do?
A bit of comment about each one...
1. Any time that you finish someone's sentence for them, you're making an assumption. That can be dangerous. Some people use this method as a segue for themselves to talk again. Personally, I do this when I think a person is struggling for a word - I try to supply what I think works best for where I thought the conversation was going. But it can be offensive and frankly, it's an assumption on my part. I think it's best not done unless asked.
2. I make an effort to do this, but for some people, it's distracting for them to make clear eye contact, so they look aside. My former platoon sergeant in the Army did this all the time. He never looked you in the eye when in conversation. It turned a lot of people off and they didn't trust him, for that (and other reasons), but it does give that impression.
3. We can get defensive when we're told that we're not listening. If this is said to you, take it for what it is and double your effort to remain silent and let the other person speak fully. If you want to say this to someone, be careful - because they'll likely jump on you if you interrupt them in any way. Might be best to write an email later.
4. Seeing the perspective of someone else is sometimes hard because their experience doesn't always fit neatly into how we see the world. Ask the person for help to see it from their side if you're struggling. They'll generally be quick to help you.
5. Ever tell someone, "I'd like to give you my full attention, but now isn't the best time for me?" It can feel rude, but it's better than missing what they say. Especially when they ask you about it later.
6. You have to be careful with interruptions. If it has to be done to get clarification, best to make it very brief and not use the opportunity to launch into your own speech. You'll know that you're doing this right when you find that you're asking a one-sentence question and then waiting for the response.
7. Of course, this is true for everyone. I listen to my wife, Tamara, much more intently than I listen to the checkout guy in Best Buy. But remember that we're always leaving an impression, so it's best to make the best effort for the circumstances.
8. I have yet to meet the person who listens well while multitasking. There are times when it's unavoidable, but either the task or the listening will suffer.
9. I also have yet to meet the person with a photographic memory. Conversations don't always need note-taking, but they do require some humility if we remember it wrong. Better to look for the intent of what was spoken than what we remember to actually have been said.
10. There are people who really have a tough time with faces and names. Heard of face blindness? I think some folks probably have a true "name blindness" as well. But that said, people are flattered when we remember their name. Doing so will improve our ability to have good relationships.
During lunch today, I sketched out my next painting. I'll call it "Hammock." What you see below is actually about 1 1/2" wide.
And I can see that I have problems with how I see this already. The palm tree at left is not over to the left quite far enough. The coloring in some of it needs to be re-thought, especially the sand.
I'll try to sketch it slightly larger before hopping into the 16" x 20" painting.
(Scanning helps me during the painting process because it helps me to see the work more objectively and correct things early.)
Rush Nigut makes a wonderful point about the importance of being observant, and he separates listening from observation in saying in the comments, "You need to observe rather than listen." I think both are equally important. I'll explain...
A few years ago, I was trading email with my friend, Bella, and she said something that stuck with me: she said that it's all about paying attention. By paying attention, we can salvage any relationship in our lives that might be in trouble, be it with a customer, a friend, or a spouse. People are flattered when you pay attention to them.
Have you ever gone into a store and seen a clerk remember someone's name and favorite order? "The usual today, Mrs. Jones? The caramel cappuccino with a half-twist of lemon and a sprinkle of nutmeg?"
Didn't that person feel important? Didn't you think they were important as you watched this exchange?
Or what about when your significant other hands you your Christmas gift and it's something you mentioned in passing 6 months ago while walking through the mall?
Moments like these cement loyalty big time.
Rush is right - observation is key, and incidents like these show that we are observant.
While understanding metaphors and all the various forms of nonverbal communication can boost your ability to connect with others, you won't get far without a strong foundation of good, basic listening skills. Your knack for drawing others out and expressing genuine curiosity about their lives can be a real boon to bidding for connection and establishing satisfying relationships. Good listening skills can help you to feel easy in all sorts of social situation, and to build the kind of rapport that leads to solid emotional bonds.
Observation is irreplaceable, and I think the same attentiveness that we show through observation is exhibited in our listening.
Dale Carnegie said:
"You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."
People have to see that we're paying attention. Listening does that in conversation through the use of questions and body language. Observation can too, but I think it's tougher to show it through observation. Because perception = reality, we might be paying devout attention by observing, but I don't know that people would get the message that we're clued in. And they need that. They need to see indications that we're focused on them. Listening, and what we communicate verbally and nonverbally when we do listen, signals that we're paying attention in a more immediate sense than just observation can.
I'm totally diggin' the comments these days. Lots of smart insight, and I hadn't yet considered observation in this thread of Listen Well posts, but I will.
I voted for President Bush twice. At the moment, I regret that second vote. It's not that I think Kerry should have won. It's that I think Bush has become the most hollowed out version of a president I can imagine. He has completely abandoned nearly every one of the reasons I voted for him. I voted for him chiefly because I expected him to fight hard for the ownership society, which I saw - and still see - as a means of protecting my children from the burden of carrying an endlessly aging and 76 million strong baby boomer population. It was a campaign slogan. And while Bush can say that he did that because there was too much opposition, how would he justify that with the enormous opposition in America to the amnesty bill he's pushing to get to his desk for an overeager signature?
Neither the Democrats nor the Republicans show themselves worthy. Earmark/pork spending, the forementioned amnesty bill, the sloshing around with the money to help our troops who are in the field of battle... I'm disgusted.
At this moment, I will vote neither Democrat nor Republican in the next election. I'm adrift, waiting for the creation (or restoration) of some group of politicians who would believe and vigorously pursue the following:
Small government
Strong military
Strong, enforced, and legal immigration
America first foreign policy (let the other nations push their own agendas...)
No limits whatsoever on free speech - political or otherwise
I don't believe that the Democrats or the Republicans embody that agenda. In fact, I'll score each party on each:
Small government: neither party
Strong military: Republicans, but absolutely not the Democrats
Strong, enforced, and legal immigration: neither party
America first foreign policy (let the other nations push their own agendas...): neither party
Ownership society: neither party
Completely transparent earmark policies: neither party
Low taxes, which spurs economic activity: Republicans, but absolutely not the Democrats
No limits whatsoever on free speech - political or otherwise: neither party
Hence, my "none of the above" vote.
For what it's worth, there are exceptions in each party. Obama is very transparent when it comes ot earmarks. Mitt Romney and Fred Thomson rightly call the amnesty bill what it is: amnesty. But as parties, collectively, I'm repulsed.
Yesterday, I had two very smart comments from Janet and Bella about what I'd written on the customer always being right heard.
Janet wants to see the second chapter in the short story of Mrs. Jones' complaint about being overbilled. Three hours of service from ABC Plumbing? Pshaw, says she. Mrs. Jones insists that it was two.
Janet sees three options:
Strike an hour from the bill because "the customer is always right"
Insist Mrs. Jones pay the full bill
Offer to split the difference with her
Janet also wonders: how does a company "stand behind its employee, and satisfy the customer?"
What a great question.
Bella, likewise, asserts "whether you like it or not, there will always be a certain amount of giveaway and subservience. That's why it's called customer service."
I love that... customer service, indeed.
So how does a business rectify the situation? Assuming that there is no way to prove either story - two hours or three hours - the business has a decision to make.
I think we've all done business with a company that didn't listen to us at all. We call to air our concern and we wander in a maze of phone menu, or we speak to someone with all the personal skills of cardboard, or we're simply told we're wrong and that's the end of it. Do we feel heard?
In any contention in any relationship, our first best step is to simply listen fully to what the other person has to say. As Stephen Covey says, we should "seek to understand before we seek to be understood." That alone says that we esteem the other person and their point of view. If we stop them from speaking what they need to air, we only compound their frustration. And so as difficult as this may be, we need to be quiet and put ourselves aside for a moment and just listen.
Bella says it well when she says that "most people in situations like this want what is right, not just to be right."
The emotion of it wants to be right. By listening fully and silently, we help subside the emotion of it. And in that relative calm, most people are ready to want what is right.
Sanity lies in having the right relationships in our lives. That applies personally as well as professionally. No business should have a relationship with someone who doesn't want a fair trade. Giving away the store for the sake of maintaining a customer is not good business. While a business owner might feel good about the company wearing a steak around its neck to attract the hounds of the world, it's not worth it. Some customers are not worth the expense.
So to answer Janet's great question: it depends on the value of Mrs. Jones as a customer. If Mrs. Jones always undercuts the word of employees, then it's best to part ways. Mrs. Jones can go be right with some other company. Severing the relationship is best.
But if this is a hiccup in an otherwise sound relationship, and if Mrs. Jones persists in her story, then seeing it her way this one time is well worth it. She liked you before, she had a complaint but found that you listened to her, and she saw that you valued her business enough to see it her way this one time. Her repeat business and now positive experience increases the word-of-mouth marketing that she'll do for your company. The smart move is to let her be right.
We only show integrity when it costs us something, and integrity is an adjective every company craves about itself in the mouths of its customers.
